her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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