Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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