Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Acid is not a monday night drug
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
