I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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