fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
