i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
