It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
