lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
