and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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