Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
