I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
