uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
