Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
