did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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