I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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