hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
