Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize