from now on my penis is your penis
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
