Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
