I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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