Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
