My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
