matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
