I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
