Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
