Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
