I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
