Your face is a jimmy john
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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