I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
