if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need moral support for this bender
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
