There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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