I smell stomach acid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
