dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
is it fun? or sober?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
