im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are my feet made of real feet?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize