I think my fart just growled at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
