thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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