At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
