He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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