I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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