dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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