Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
