even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
