my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
