Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
