yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
