I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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