My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
