pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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