I am spending my child support on dildos
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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