its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
