and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
