Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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