grandma shit on top of the toilet
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
