I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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