You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
