We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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