When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
