need another drink. this is the easiest way
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
