Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
