Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
