Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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