How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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