Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize