Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
