I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
