dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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