I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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