did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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