On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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